This past mother's day marked one of the few times that I didn't run away from home on said momentous occasion. No. I stayed here and instead asked my husband to take the kids out with him for a spell while I relaxed. He obliged and I did not feel guilty.
Wow what a change! In years past I'd worried about the kids feeling rejected or unloved if I didn't spend the day with them. I mean after all, I am their mother. Aren't I supposed to always be here no matter what? Shouldn't I revel in the bond I've created with them and feed their need for love and comfort? Well yes, but not 100% of the time. What mother can? Besides, I've learned that children don't even require all that we think they do. But they are good at overreacting. In other words, they are great manipulators. So when we look at their puppy dog eyes combined with the tremendous pressure we put on ourselves to be the perfect mom, it's no wonder we feel guilty.
I've now discovered how to can change that guilt into happiness. If we give all of our time they will still want more so why not find the amount they can live with. When we are spending at least 30 minutes of undivided attention with our child a day and providing food, shelter, clothing and above all -- love-- then there's no reason to wallow in guilt. Our children will continue to love us and will learn to respect our time because we are ever present and mentally tuned in to their needs, as well as, our own. Too much guilt will turn life into a nightmare for all by keeping moms grouchy, tired and unfulfilled. We need to give ourselves a pass to enjoy life outside of motherhood, without regret.
Many blessings,
Polly
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